Oh boy, it’s plastic Jesus season. Come on, let’s go buy some shit.

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I used to publish. Now I perish.

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“Things line up to block the molecules of my imagination but I just add them to the frantic clutter.” – Ed Sanders

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“All this is so stupid and senseless that it is quite impossible to understand what it all means.”  — Leo Tolstoy, from “Letter to a Non-Commissioned Officer”

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My million-dollar weight loss plan (to be marketed in a store near you soon):

Eat Less. Shit More.

Um, that’ll be $50, please. Debit or credit?

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Speaking of work, I’ll be giving sleigh rides in Stowe all week – beginning x-mas day. If you want to find me, just head up the Mountain Road and look to your left after about 4 or 5 miles. I’ll be sporting a decidedly Amish look for the occasion, hoping it’ll make the tourists think I’m something other than a disaffected writer/horse logger with a long record of being arrested in the offices of liberal lawmakers.

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When the hell are they going to open a “Job Store”?

Just wondering.

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Free Holiday Advice:

When in doubt, self-medicate until you’ve returned to a smug sense of doubtless bliss.

Repeat as necessary. See your physician first if you’re prone to dead ends, false starts and wrong turns. May cause others to stop returning your calls. Whatever.

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Regarding the Rick Warren controversy: Don’t Blame Me, I Voted for Nader.

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But, oh my, how about those Obama abs?

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Three places I need not bother to look for employment:

1.) The auto industry.
2.) The banking industry.
3.) America.

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Corporations Don’t Bleed.
People Do.

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“Men are so necessarily mad, that not to be mad would amount to another form of madness.” – Pascal

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This feels a whole lot like the time we thought would come to usher in the change that we knew was necessary. Too bad the liberals are still allowing the rightwing to control the language of the moment. Case in point: Budget cuts. Notice I didn’t say taxes? Because the Reagan 80’s live on in the moral sewer of convincing people that cutting services (and jobs) for those in need is more justified in tough times than asking for a little more from those with plenty.

And the worst part is that they’ve dressed their little evilness up in a cloak of political and economic hoo-ha, thereby fooling too many people away from seeing it all as the immoral judgment — and subsequent painful consequences — that it really is.

Frankly, it’s sick.

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The modern state’s single-minded focus on cutting services and jobs in dire economic times is like running to the desert when it need of water.

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Next year, I’m gonna make some nice.

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Well, that and spring a new project on you all. Stay tuned.

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But, until then, be warned: I’ll be busy driving horses through the holiday season so – surprise, surprise – posting will be sparse until January 5th.

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Now, quick, find something to do with your plastic Jesus.

Oh boy, aren’t the liberals having fun with the shoe-throwing incident in Iraq. Yeah, it was funny as all hell but there’s more than a little something irksome about the card-carrying members of the do-nothing Dems snickering over it. I mean, come on, these are the same folks who found “impolite” demands for impeachment too “shrill;” not to mention their outright disdain for anti-war activism that – oh my – asked “yes or no” questions.

But shoe throwing at a president of the “other party”? Fucking hilarious. Inspired. And to be congratulated. But, please, keep your antics on the other sides of the big ponds and directed at the “others.” In other words, at a safe distance so as to not frightened the sleeping liberals.

I’m guessing that the first time a rightwing nutjob – you know, someone like Vermont’s Paul Beaudry – decides to fling a boot at Obama (or Welch, Sanders or Leahy) – these liberal kindergarten pundits won’t find it so funny.

As for me, I’m an equal opportunity laugher – let the shoes and boots be flung.

But before I drop the other shoe on this, I must say – begrudgingly – that Bush handled it really well. The smirk on his face after coming up from ducking the first shoe made me think that he was having some kind of college frat-prank flashback. “Ha! Good one, boys! Got me!”

And, of course, that’s exactly how Bush and his White House spokespeople tried to spin it. Bush joked about the size of the shoe and his spokespeople tried to make sure they looked like they “got” the humor of it all.

But while the partisan Dems giggle from delight over it and the partisan Repubs giggle from embarrassment over it, those of us remaining are left pondering the real meaning of it: Why are we still in Iraq?

The shoe thrower wasn’t joking. Bush and a complicit United States of America has ravaged his country, killed his family members and torched his immediate future. He was angry and doing something about it.

Imagine if we all could be that brave.

I just read the news that Illinois Governor (for now) Rod Blagojevich was only asking for $1 million for the U.S. Senate seat being vacated by President-elect Barack Obama. If true, that would be the cheapest U.S. Senate seat amongst the current holders of the office. I mean, come on, even in little old Vermont these seats cost more than that. Hell, our governor, Republican Jim Douglas, just spent a cool million to keep his job of cutting ribbons and otherwise turning over the state government to his merry band of right wing youngsters.

The phrase of the day amongst the breathlessly outraged over this Blago mess is “pay to play,” as in: People had to pay in order to play in the game of big-time politics. Hmm, we’re these people born yesterday?

Let’s see, Obama just paid $800 million to play in the game of presidential politics. And he won! Better yet, he’s now surrounding himself with a bevy of sitting governors, senators and congressmen and women in his cabinet who have all “paid to play” for decades. Obama’s chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, for example, spent millions (yes, plural) on his congressional races and – better yet (for him, at least) – made more than $18 million in that coveted time he spent cashing in on his Clinton Administration connections before running for office. And where did that $18 million come from? Why, the financial industry, of course. All together now: Pay to play, indeed.

Poor Blago, he got caught being a cheap bastard. He must have offended those in his elite political class by offering the U.S. Senate seat for a mere $1 million. What was he thinking? With that kind of pay, you better be looking to play at Wal-Mart.

With all this outrage over “pay to play,” I certainly expect Congress to immediately enact full public financing of campaigns. Yeah, right.

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Now that the economic bomb is beginning to hit mainstream media outlets we’re now getting one story after another from the surviving journalists about the misery of it all. Hmm, where were they when the non-journalists were getting shit-canned faster than you can say “kiss my ass”?

Here in Vermont, the state’s largest media outlets have been laying off numerous employees, setting off a firestorm of boo-hoo pieces from their spared brethren (for now). The result, of course, will be even more benign (if that’s possible) journalism in Vermont that does little but print press releases from the “pay to play” politicians who – once elected – never seem to have to worry about their jobs. Thanks, press folks.

My guess is that all the laid-off journalists will be fine in Vermont. They’ll simply continue with what they’ve always done: Work for the political and economic elite. But, this time, it will be even more direct because they’ll be cashing checks directly from the political and economic elite, thus eliminating that pesky middle person: The Media Corporation. Hell, I’ll bet they’ll even be able to cut back on their sleeping meds now that it will be that much more clear about whom they’re working for. Cash, meet hand. Now write.

The real bummer in all of this will be for the poor working stiffs who still believe in the possibilities of democratically induced “change.” In other words, if you thought the media was complicit in war mongering, health care-denying, economic justice-blindness, and social injustice-conspiring before, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Because now they REALLY know who’s buttering their bread. For those with jobs (media people especially), this is no time to rock the boat.

The good news is that the Internet should provide an excellent medium for “alternative” news and views. In Vermont, there is still a gigantic vacuum of quality Internet-based citizen journalism yet to be filled, and I’m actually optimistic by recent private conversations from those who have spilled their dreams to me about filling that void. The so-called blogosphere in Vermont is a pathetic shadow of its possibilities. But I’m hopeful that given the current stew of an economic crisis and the dearth of Vermont-based Internet journalism, something is about to spring up that will begin to fill the void.

The newspapers are dying. The television and radio-based news outlets dying. It’s time for the alternative to rise up and provide the news, views and inspiration that is necessary to truly challenge the “pay to play” politics and, even better, give a voice and some reason to the real change we are all craving and deserve.

Real hope. Real change. Let’s make it happen.

You know how to reach me.

Oh my, it’s a wonderful day to avoid. So I think I’ll stay inside and annoy you, dear readers. It sure beats the rain/sleet/snow trifecta taking place outside my window. Ass, meet chair. And let’s play.

First, the horsy news: Yours truly will be working in Stowe over the holiday weekend. The task? Sleigh rides, of course. It’ll be a hellish seven-day assignment whereby I’ll be giving rides to moneyed believers while trying my best to hide my non-moneyed, non-believer side. Can you say “tips”? I knew you could. But when you’ve got the draft horse bug, it’s a fine gig. Gitty-up.

Or if you’d like to look at it another way, pulling tourists around is a whole hell of a lot more lucrative than pulling logs around.

I had a trial run on Monday and was stunned that clients actually showed up in the 3-degree frigidity of the day to be pulled around in a frozen sled. But they did. And, being the good tourists, they even pretended to be having a good time under all those blankets.

As my buddy, Jack, said: “They had to do it so they could check it off their list.”

Yep, and when they get home to show their gazillion photos to those who will be pretending to care, I bet they’ll even convince themselves that they had a grand time.

Oh America, when will you ever wake yourself? Well, actually, wait until after the holiday week so I can make a few bucks off your ninniness.

One thing’s for sure, I should have plenty of stories.

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I’ve been trying my hardest to get back into the thick of Vermont politics. But every time I start paying attention to what’s happening I can’t get the feeling out of my head that everyone participating in and writing about Vermont politics is just playing some kind of after school dress-up game. As in: Quick, mom and dad are gone, let’s dress up and pretend to be political and/or media players. Yes, it all really feels that dopey. Or maybe I just watch too many episodes of Vermont This Week or listen to too much WDEV? I swear they both have one criterion for appearing: Blandness.

I fully realize that Vermont loves to celebrate its mediocrity, but we all seem to be hitting new lows – especially when it comes to the media and its kindergarten-like coverage of all-things “political.”

In a time, for example, that the state and the nation seems to be neck-deep in economic doo-doo, no one in the Vermont media has put a matchstick’s worth of heat on any of our political leaders. Our big three federal free-loaders – Leahy, Sanders and Welch – have literally spent their lifetimes at the public trough, pontificating and otherwise genuflecting at the altar of power for decades upon decades. And yet who’s asking them to explain their role in and/or solution to the crisis that those of us without six-figure salaries and universal health care are mired in? Oh yeah, I forgot, they’re busy trying to get their inaugural wardrobe in order – nevermind the stress of handing out those coveted tickets!

Sorry, but if – like Leahy, Sanders and Welch – you’ve been an elected official for decades, it seems like you ought to be issuing some pretty sobering apologies and explanations for what you’ve been doing while the entire economy was imploding under your well-paid noses. And if you’re going to play the “it was Bush’s fault” card, start explaining your lock-step positions against impeachment.

But they don’t have to worry about answering tough questions – not when Vermont’s media is more interested in regurgitating their press releases and giggling like schoolgirls whenever they make themselves available. “Oh Mr. Leahy, tell me again how you help cook the holiday meal?” But, whatever you do, Mr. and Ms. Vermont Media, don’t ask him to explain how his unprecedented pursuit of pork spending has distracted him from the bigger picture and contributed to the political cesspool known as Washington Politics. You know, something like: “Do you think having your name on so many buildings and pork-spending projects has contributed to the mess we’re facing?”

And let’s not forget about our governor, the affably sinister Jim Douglas. Yikes, speaking of living off the public dole! Well, let’s put it this way, Jim Douglas has been taking the people’s money since Richard Nixon was president. And he voted for him, too – good Republican that he is.

Douglas got to skate through his last election by facing the two easiest major party political opponents in Vermont history. I mean, come on, Pollina and Symington made Fred Tuttle and Rich Tarrant look – well – almost serious. While the economy was crashing due to a credit crunch on his watch, for example, one of his opponents – Pollina –  couldn’t stop touting a state-issued credit card as an economic “solution.” And Douglas’ other opponent – Symington – never quite completed a coherent sentence or thought so it’s hard to say what she was thinking.

Oh wait, we can certainly count on the Vermont media for throwing some hard questions at the lifetime politician and sitting governor who was presiding over the greatest economic meltdown since the Great Depression, right? Wrong. Cue chirping grasshopper music.

But wait, it gets better. After Douglas skated to an embarrassingly easy victory – beating both Pollina and Symington even if you combined their vote totals – he proved just how serious he was going to take the state’s economic mess: He appointed boy-blunderer, Neale Lunderville, to be his new Secretary of Administration. Yeah, that made him the guy in charge of the Governor’s administration of the budget – among other things.

And Lunderville’s credentials? Cue chirping grasshopper music (again). Well, actually, cut car wreck soundtrack. Because before drying off the wet behind his ears and accepting his new job, Lunderville did his novice best to all but destroy the state’s roads and bridges as the Secretary of Transportation. And before that? Well, he freshly immersed from the loins of political science classes and the Douglas political campaigns.

But don’t expect the Vermont media to put a spotlight on any of this. They’re too busy trying to buy him a drink when he enters McGillicuddy’s.

Now are you beginning to understand why I’m working with draft horses? It’s opinions like the above that got me thrown out of the Vermont media. Gitty-up, indeed. People. Logs. Whatever.

Carry on.