Reading: The Letters of Samuel Beckett. Best passage so far: “[A] sebaceous cyst in my anus, which happily a fart swept away before it became operable.”

Waiting for the flatulence, indeed.

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Also reading: Nobody Move, by Denis Johnson. Brilliant writer.

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Also reading: Your mind. And, please, stop thinking those naughty thoughts.

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Lost two jobs this week because of the rain. Oh bailout money, where art thou?

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Note to America: Fireworks are toxic.

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Memo to self: Find a better cause.

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Remember, I told you months ago that Obama was over-exposed and the overexposure will mean the demise of his ratings, popularity and whatever existed in his progressive agenda (read: meaningful health-care reform, RIP).

Obama’s biggest failure to date has been his refusal to share the spotlight with his team. It is, after all, considered to be an “administration,” not just a fiefdom of one.

But, at nearly every critical issue juncture, Obama has elbowed off his subordinates and rushed for the bright lights, resulting in a perception that no one else in his administration is allowed enough rope to do anything but cash their paychecks.

No matter how hard he tries to put and “I” in “team,” it just won’t work. But Obama keeps trying.

Take, for example, Obama’s rush to the bright lights again tonight to offer up a primetime address on health-care reform. Fine, make your statement and answer the questions, but sooner or later – if he expects to succeed – Obama’s got to prove that he’s got a viable TEAM behind him. Because all-Obama-all-the-time is not working.

Frankly, Obama should be doing what Vermont’s Senator Bernie Sanders did a couple of weeks ago: Turn his wrath upon the recalcitrant members of their majority team – the Democrats. Because, as we all know, it’s the Democrats who are controlling everything.

Obama is wasting his time and his political capital on his seemingly never-ending attempts to win over Republicans. After a two year political campaign, the man is apparently stuck in campaign mode. But, this time, it’s almost as if Obama thinks the race for “Mr. Popularity” is in the works.

Sorry, Barack, but you’re now governing. And you’ve got every political advantage at your disposal: Congressional majorities, the desk you sit at, and a mostly fawning media (minus the whack-jobs at FOX, of course).

So stop with the “reaching across the aisle” nonsense already. And, instead, lead – with a team.

Ugh.

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Oh hell, the sun came out. So why am I wasting time with you? Adios.

I’ve got something I need to get off my chest. It’s been bugging me for a couple of weeks. It’s a secret I’ve been keeping from you, dear readers.

And it goes like this: I’m a closet Lance Armstrong fan. Big time.

Whew. I feel better already. I hope you won’t hold it against me.

Armstrong’s return to cycling after a three-and-a-half year absence has been nothing short of remarkable. Bicycle racing is – by far – the hardest sport that exists. Period. And to absolutely dominate the sport for nearly a decade is…well…unprecedented.

Armstrong’s return to this year’s Tour de France has been nothing but a gigantic mindfuck to his competitors, the sport in general, and – most delightfully – the snooty French press that has been hating Lance since the cocky Texan first burned up their roads in the 1990s. Even while on the verge of turning 38 (a very old age for a sport that sees its competitors racing for about five hours a day), Armstrong’s mere presence on the starting line of a bike race changes nearly everything.

As we approach the final stages of this years Tour, Armstrong is riding in fourth place. But tomorrow’s time trail should see him move back to second or third place and, as a result, back to a coveted position “on the podium” when the race finally ends on Sunday in Paris.

Armstrong, unlike his race-leading teammate, Alberto Contador, has been a perfect teammate during this year’s Tour. He’s refused to attack Contador and, better yet, he’s stayed back when Contador attacks just to be a nuisance to Contador’s primary challengers.

Contador, on the other hand, has been less than congenial to his teammates in return. Contador, for example, surprised his team by launching an attack on the last moments of a climb during an earlier stage, leaving Armstrong to be a pest to his rivals and hang back. And then Contador surprised the team again today when he launched another ill-advised attack that only hurt his own teammate, the massively loyal Andreas Kloden.

Those kinds of moves tend to come back and haunt you in bike racing. Remember, it’s a team sport. Moreover, it’s a team sport that involves riding in packs of 150-plus riders at breakneck speeds over harrowing terrain. In other words, it’s a lot better to have friends than enemies while going nearly 60 miles-per-hour down hill on a bicycle.

Contador’s behavior has also seemingly inspired Armstrong to announce tomorrow that he will be back in the Tour next year. Better yet, Armstrong will be announcing that he’s forming his own team and taking his long-time team director and racing pal, Johan Bruyneel with him. And guess who won’t be invited to this team? Hint: His initials are AC and he’s proven to be a shitty teammate.

Armstrong’s more motivated than ever now. And he’s riding better every day in his return to the Tour that made him the most famous athlete in the world. So get ready for that all-too-famous Armstrong “look” that he’ll be giving to Contador upon the completion of their current race. It’ll be saying something like: “See you next year, junior.”

Hey, what can I say, I’m an old guy who bikes. So I’ve got to root for Lance.

Livestrong, indeed.