Global weirding, as global warming is now being more accurately called, is now sharing the stage — and our collective psyches – with economic weirding. And both seem like metaphors for each other. Images of Hurricane Ike crashing into Texas over the weekend could easily be used to capture the essence of this morning’s financial markets. Similarly, the frenzied traders on Wall Street this morning are ducking and covering from a financial hurricane of their own. And yes, both storms – financial and weather – can be traced back to find the human hand attached to both.

Today’s market crash will give the presidential campaigns of McCain and Obama – the supposed “change” agents — much to sling mud about. In fact, the first mud was flung only moments after the news about a possible Lehman Brothers bankruptcy was announced yesterday. The Obama campaign went on autopilot and fired off its upteenbillionth statement blaming it all on Bush and the McCain campaign responded just as predictably by declaring for the upteenbillionth time that he has more experience to calm the economic waters.

Both, of course, are full of it – and themselves.

First, let’s look at Obama’s hubris. The Obama campaign continues to fall prey to riding the same one-trick pony that brought down the Gore and Kerry campaigns: Run against Bush. But, as a brief look back to the not-so-distant past should tell us (and them): It doesn’t work. And, worse, it continues to highlight the eight-years of “me-tooism” that has plagued the Dems. Sure, Bush wanted the war. But the Dems gave the congressional authorization. And, as I’ve said here repeatedly of late, the same holds true for almost all of the other oft-mentioned “great sins” of the Bush years.

Obama and the Dems have done little during the eight years of the Bush political frat party other than provide them with all the free alcohol they want and then stand back and act outraged (!) over their drunkenness. Funny how that works. And, sorry, the votes don’t lie and vote after vote after vote during the last eight years shows little more than Democratic capitulation on everything from war, to civil liberties, to the environment and, yes, the economy.

But before the Obama campaign gets itself too far up on its high horse when it comes to blaming the current financial mess on Bush, let’s look at some facts.

First, let’s follow the money. According to the Center for Responsive Politics, the Obama campaign has received nearly $60 million in contributions from the “financial, insurance and real estate” industries. The McCain campaign has reported taking nearly $55 million from those same industries. And the conclusion? Change, my ass. Because the financial industries have been hedging their bets and – almost equally – invested deeply into both parties and campaigns. And all they’ve wanted in return for their investment is the inaction they’ve been getting, as in: Hands-off. Well, until the bailout money is needed.

It’s obvious that both campaigns and both parties are neck-deep in the dung of the current financial mess. Sure, the Bush administration may have been asking for the market freedoms, but the Dems have been doing little but rolling over for belly scratches when real opposition or oversight was in order.

Here’s how Floyd Norris of the New York Times summed up the financial hurricane that touched down on Wall Street over the weekend:

Those who were complaining, only months ago, that excessive regulation was making American markets uncompetitive, had it exactly wrong. It was a lack of regulation of the shadow financial system and its players that allowed this to happen. The regulators might not have gotten it right if they had tried to put limits on leverage, or assure that it was clear what risks were being taken, in the world of derivatives and securitizations. But deciding not to even try, and assuming that risks traded secretly would somehow end up in the hands of those most able to bear them, reflected ideology, not analysis.

And those complaining about the “excessive regulation” were, interestingly enough, the same folks who were putting $60 million into the Obama campaign and $55 million into the McCain campaign. Nice investments if you can make ‘em.

But let’s not allow the McCain campaign’s weirding go unnoticed in all of this. Only days after ditching his “experience” mantra and hitting the campaign equivalent of the “refresh” button by selecting Sarah Palin and adopting the “change” mantra, McCain is back to experience. Dizzy yet? Suddenly, with the markets tumbling and our nation’s financial foundation trembling, all that folksy moose hunting and disregard for contraception doesn’t seem quite so cute, does it?

Drill, baby, drill? Nah. Sell, baby, sell. And now.

Oh no, guess what? The liberals are nervous. Yep, the obedient lib-Dems are finally starting to realize that the little party they were having in the immediate aftermath of the Sarah Palin selection may have been a bit premature. Oops.

Liberals never learn. Dems can’t seem to win. And the two phenomena are as connected as John McCain’s eyes have been connected to Palin’s ass.

Drunk on their Obama Kool-Aid, the lib-Dems have been putting together their fantasy cabinet selections, planning their election-night party plans, and trying to figure out whom to meet or whom to give money to in order to get some prized inaugural dance tickets. In their minds, this presidential race was over before they could even dismantle the faux-stage at their faux-convention.

Cue screeching car sound – as in: The rubber hitting the road.

Because the polling news hasn’t been good. While the lib-Dems have been blogging and pontificating themselves into a stupor over all the stupid stuff about Palin, the American people have been moving away from Obama and toward – say what? – the McCain/Palin ticket. And the movement has been significant enough for the likes of Kos, AmericaBlog  and Talking Points Memo – three leading liberal blogs – to use words like “panic,” “worried” and “overestimated” while describing the current state of affairs.

Worse, the lib-Dems are refusing to look in the mirror while trying to come up with a reason for the Obama/Biden slip in the polls and the near-derailment in its messaging. Instead, they keep hitting the whining button and doing what they hate most in their conservative counterparts: Blaming the media and getting slimier and slimier with their personal attacks. Anything, in fact, but face the fact that their candidates and their party have all but abandoned “the issues” at the very moment when voters are beginning to ponder them.

If, as political scientists like to tell us, this is the time when voters start to pay attention, consider what they’re hearing from Obama and the Democratic Party:

• On the Iraq War, Obama was pushed into saying that the “surge worked beyond anyone’s wildest expectations” to the Fox News blowhard, Bill O’Reilly. Despite being an inaccurate – if not completely spineless – position, it effectively handed what was the number one issue directly over to Mr. Surge himself, John McCain.
• On energy issues, the Dems are in the middle of doing an about-face on offshore drilling. Instead of showing some spine and sanity in the face of the Republican’s new – and scary – hit chant of “drill baby, drill,” the Dems are flip-flopping like McCain on the issue and, according to The Hill, preparing to help pass new offshore drilling allowances.
• On health care, the Obama campaign continues to muddy and muddle through a confusing and all-but-impossible to understand “solution” that will allow the insurance companies and “the market” to remain in control. If it sounds a lot like the Hilary plan of 1993, well, it is. And we all know how that ended up – 15 long years ago. Thanks Dems. Sorry, but any health care plan from the Dems that doesn’t include the words “universal” or “single-payer” is just a pale imitation of the Republicans’ plan. In other words, not much change there.

And that’s what the lib-Dems don’t get: When you talk the talk of change, you’ve also got to walk the walk. Otherwise, you look like John Kerry or Al Gore. You know, two guys who took the voting public for fools by refusing to stand firm on their issues, changed issue-horses in mid-stream and, as a result, were both L.O.S.E.R.S.

Earth to the lib-Dems: This is no time to silence yourselves when it comes to the issues. This is the time to stand firm, talk tough and demand that your beloved Obama/Biden ticket listen to you. You know, kind of like the Christian right threatened to stay home unless one of their own was put on the McCain ticket. And then down came Palin.

Sadly – if not completely predictable – this election is starting to look like a rerun, complete with the liberal “shock, shock, shock!”

Yes, indeed: It’s the issues, stupid.

What can I say, I’m an addict. A political addict, that is. And, damn it, I’ve been on a bit of a bender lately when it comes to imbibing in the empty calories of mainstream politics. Let’s face it, putting these two ninny conventions together in the back-to-back fashion that they did this time is nothing short of torture. At this point, I’ll admit to anything – just stop the convention torture!

But, having monitored more than my fair share of both the Democrats’ and the Republicans’ convention spectacles, I can say with some authority that neither has articulated a plan for the following:

• Ending the war
• Providing health care (or even lowering the cost of health care)
• Addressing global warming
• The housing crisis
• Or the jobs crisis.

But they sure can unleash the confetti! And fly the flag! And jab their counterparts for – what? – being more effective at doing nothing. Good grief.

The creepiest of the creepy moment in both conventions, besides the really bad white-guy dancing that they shared, was the chant of “drill baby, drill” by the Republican crowd. It’s kind of like chanting “drink baby, drink” to an alcoholic on the barstool. But with visions of their SUV’s and their Exxon stock portfolio dancing in their heads, they just couldn’t resist.

But, you’ve got to admit, there’s something refreshing about Republican honesty – evil as it can be. The Republican clarity on energy policy goes like this: Drill baby, drill and then burn baby, burn. Fuck yeah! America rocks! Drop the confetti!

The Democrats, of course, have the same plan but they can’t get themselves to be as honest. Instead, they’d be chanting something like: Drill tomorrow, not today and then feel good about the delay. Or something like that. Fuck yeah! America rocks! Drop the confetti!

The real skill in all this convention stuff is trying to convince people that there is such a “huge” difference between the two parties. One is all about a sunny future and the other is all about the next hell storm. And vice versa. Never mind that they share most of the same corporate sponsors and carry much of the same water for those same sponsors. Both look pretty damn cloudy to me.

In Plato’s dialogue, Lysis, he writes the following:

…the nearer wicked men come to each other, and the more they see of each other, the greater enemies they become…

Hmm, sounds like the Democrats and the Republicans: So close, yet such enemies.

–

Grumpy Old Man from the Grand Old Party: But wait, I forgot to mention the McCain speech. I swear I’ve seen that speech somewhere. Wait, did Jack Lemmon give that speech in Grumpy Old Men IV? No, that’s not it. Or was it Goldwater in 1964? Of course it was. In fact, I think that WAS Goldwater.

“Come here, Mr. McCain,” said the makeup people when he arrived. “We can make you anybody tonight.” And, after much pondering, the crews went to work with 50-gallon drums of orange gunk to fulfill McCain’s makeup fantasies: “I want to be the me of 30 years ago!” And so they tried. And, oh boy, none of us were even fooled.

Note to McCain: That speech was so 1970s. To hell with all the talk about Palin’s experience. Because I think it’s more important to have a pulse than experience. And I guess it would be really cool to have both. No such luck when it comes to the McCain/Palin ticket.

The only time his speech Viagra seemed to kick in was at the end when he got so damn excited he couldn’t even stop his verbal ejaculations, shouting over the audience and making us all think the same thing: Oh fuck, he’s gonna stroke out on us. But, lucky for us, no doctors had to be called since his speech Viagra didn’t lead to a verbal erection lasting more than three hours. Whew.

Just when I thought I could take a breather from the shallow end of mainstream politics, up steps Grandpa McCain with his best imitation of the dirty old man with his selection of Sarah Palin as his vice presidential nominee. Come on, did you see how creepy McCain looked while lurking about the podium while Palin tried to speak? Watch it, Johnny-boy, because Sarah’s hubby races snowmobiles. But, then again, with an ice-cold wife like Cindy, Johnny’s certainly used to getting his ass kicked around.

McCain’s selection of Palin, however, could certainly be the pinprick to the Obama hope balloon that the Republicans – and the Clinton’s – have been looking for. And he’s delivered it before all those adoring Obama fans even had time to wipe the running eyeliner off their cheeks from last night’s tears of elation. Oh, the beauty of…of… of… oh yeah, hope. Whatever.

I ran into a staunch Democrat this morning while picking up my morning newspapers and, after uttering the obligatory “it was great” mantra with that far away look in his eyes that seemed to be searching for some proof – any proof! – for his feelings, he came forward with this whispered caveat: “But why did Obama soft-pedal his critique of Bush/Cheney?”

The answer was simple. Because Obama’s Democratic Party and, in many cases Obama himself (FISA, Patriot Act reauthorization, Iraq War funding, etc.) did NOTHING to stop Bush/Cheney. And they know it. It’s the modern Democratic Party dilemma of being terminally disqualified at election season based on its own legislative season inanities. Remember the mid-term election of 2006, for example, when the Democrats told us that with control of both houses of Congress they’d be able to stymie that twin tower of bastardism, Bush/Cheney? And how, exactly, did that work out for us? Cue Emily Latela and one more, big “never mind” to the nation.

Sadly, the Democrats seem to be all about the next, great rainbow chase over the horizon. They all but sit on their hands during the Republican rainy seasons (and, let’s face it, it’s been pouring for eight years), roll out their next, great rainbow candidates (Gore! Kerry! Obama!) in the election seasons, and then send their faithful and ever-forgiving followers out searching for that elusive pot of gold. For Democrats, the bullshit of election season continues to hijack their ever-so-meager attempts at accomplishment during legislative season. And around and around they go.

Repugnant as it is, when the smarmy Republicans want a world war, by golly, they start one. Worse, they let it linger and fester and drain us all until…well…they find a new one! Hey, it’s not as if the Democrats – at least the ELECTED Democrats – are going to stop them.

But wait. This was supposed to be about Sarah Palin (cue sound of screeching halt).

Let’s face it, Grandpa McCain hit the trusty “refresh” key with his choice of Palin. Oh sure, it all amounts to one more warm piss in the kiddie pool of a campaign season stuck in the shallow end (nothing new there), but, if shallowness shall rule (hope, anyone?), McCain just upped the ante by playing his Palin card.

Let’s recap the game as it’s now being played out seemingly without parental approval: Obama has hope. McCain has experience. Biden has experience. Palin has hope.

Oh fuck, checkmate.

But, in this case, we’re the losers. Yeah, “we”, as in: we, the people. Because the more the two corporate parties are hell-bent on dragging us down this moronic road of nothing but clichés, the more the great spectacle of nothing in particular distracts us all from a whole lot of important matters. You know, those “silly” and “distracting” things like war, peace, health care, global warming and the like.

By now, we all know why McCain picked Palin: She’s young, she’s a woman, she’s an outsider and she’s conservative. In other words, she’s “better” than Hillary Clinton when it comes to rule number one in the not-so-great game of presidential politics: Superficial appeal is all that matters.

McCain and the Republicans are all but wetting themselves with their hopes that the Democrats will begin attacking Palin for (what?) being young, energetic, an outsider and – oh no, here comes that word again – hopeful. Hmm, all that seems to sound familiar. Oh yeah, that’s all sooooo Obama.

Better yet, McCain and the Republicans are hoping beyond hope that the Obama faithful childish trashing of Palin will only further irk the Hillary crowd, which as you’ll recall, doesn’t just include women but also the working class that Palin and her husband just happen to come from.

Oh my, we are, indeed, a nation stuck in the shallow end of what should be a very large political pool. Sooner or later the lifeguards have got to declare that it’s “adult swim time,” no?

Oh no, it’s officially political ninny season in America. And we all know what that means. It’s time to shelve the issues and the activism and don our favorite party’s slippers, tap our heels three times and repeat this line until November: There’s no better place to kiss than your candidate’s ass.

And so it goes – especially with the Democrats when it comes to their expert-like ability to suspend logic and cheer the candidates who seemingly ignore their issues the most. Tap those slippers, baby, and forget that Clinton and Obama won’t even mention universal health care. Tap, tap, tap and forget that they both have military industrial complex henchmen crawling all over the top echelons of their campaign brass. And tap, tap, tap and ignore the fact that both are swimming in the big moneyed interests of Wall Street, nuclear energy and big oil, and the corporate consumer and food monopolies that bring us the big-box toxins.

There is apparently no end to the suspension of logic. But I guess we already know that since the dominant theme of the apparent winner of the Dem Oz-fest is the “man of hope,” Obama. At least he’s being honest. He’s not talking about accomplishments. Revolution. Systematic overhaul. Peace. Or any such measure of true change. Nope, just hope. And the crowds go wild, tap, tap tapping away….

All this hope comes from a most distinguished place of privilege too. If you’ve got a couple of years to do little but hope you certainly aren’t amongst those who are dodging bullets and IEDs in Baghdad. Or amongst those who are drowning in the financial atrocities of the subprime fiasco. Or amongst those who are so marginalized by the workforce that they no longer even qualify to be counted in unemployment numbers. And just try to send a hopeful note to your insurance corporation seeking an extension on the policy you can no longer afford. Good luck with that.

Sorry, but hope works better on a bumpersticker.

After publishing my piece on Nader vs. The Fundamentalist Liberals earlier this week, I received an avalanche of emails – mostly supportive – from folks immune from our nation’s spell of hope. None were better than the missive I received from Joel Hirschhorn. Titled “Delusional Hope: The Obama Rapture,” Hirschhorn offered this bit of reality:

Never have so many hoped for so much because of rollicking rhetoric and pulsating platitudes. A tsunami of hope has plunged America into electoral euphoria. In its path is the wreckage of critical thinking about what ails the US and what bold, revolutionary actions are needed. Barry Obama has accomplished semantic alchemy, turning justified but grim distrust and outrage with government and politics into hallelujah hope. But most hope never materializes and is a terrible predictor of reality.

Think about the prevalence of hope: sports teams heading into a championship game, research scientists envisioning a Nobel Prize, people in the criminal justice system awaiting trial, entrepreneurs starting a new business, people starting off on a long-awaited vacation, American Idol contestants, college seniors dreaming of becoming superrich, and all those supporters of Ron Paul, Dennis Kucinich, and other presidential candidates that will not reach the White House.

Hope produces far more losers than winners. Hope is enjoyable until failure hits. But most people do not give up on hope, just move on to the next hope.

Indeed, we’ve seen this kind of “hope” before. Before we had today’s “Man of Hope,” we had the “Man from Hope.” Yeah, that man: Bill Clinton. Like today, the liberals of ’92 were enraptured by the Dem ticket, silencing themselves on the issues and demanding that everyone “shut up and get in line” no matter how ill-defined the destination was.

We were told that Clinton – along with his VP Gore — would be the nation’s first “environmental president.” Oh, the hope of it all. But, like today, the hope of yesteryear required that we not “rock the boat” in the election season and, instead, just ride the wave to change. The result? Well, here’s what I wrote in the Spring 1993 issue of Safe Food News:

In a very short period of time, the “Environmental President” and his hand picked administration have done the following:

• Promoted food irradiation as a “solution” to the meat contamination crisis;

• Advocated doing away with the Delaney clause, one of the nation’s most important food safety laws which, if enforced, would ban the use of many carcinogenic pesticides;

• Given final approval to a hazardous waste incinerator located near a grade school in Ohio, despite EPA studies demonstrating its danger and promises from Gore that he’d stop it;

• Rescinded five important anti-pollution regulations drafted by outgoing Bush EPA head William Reilly, including one which would have phased out the ozone-destroying chemical methyl bromide and another which would have required exporters of pesticides to provide clear danger warnings and safe handling instructions on labels.

I guess it’s rarely pretty when hope meets reality. And the reality of the Clinton/Gore finger to the eye of the enviros and liberals was that they allowed themselves to taken advantage of in the election season. Or, if you’d rather, they let their hope get the best of them. Instead of making demands from the Clinton/Gore team they hoped for the best and silenced themselves all the way to those heady days of White House invitations and more hopes for presidential appointments.

It’s as if we’ll never learn that the squeaky wheel gets the grease – especially in politics. But the panderers simply get taken advantage of. Worse, we seem to forget that our Democracy was intended to be “people” driven. Remember, the politicians were supposed to follow – not lead – the will of the people. And when the people cede that essential power to the politicians we do, indeed, get led…by our noses.

And all of this is just a very long way to say: Don’t forget or ignore the issues. We don’t owe any candidate anything other than the responsibility to make sure they FOLLOW the will of the people. They must EARN our votes. And, from my perspective, they will only earn that vote by stopping the rhetorical gimmickry and begin seriously addressing the war, health care, the culture of fear, the obscene economic inequalities, the environment and the outright betrayal of democracy that exists today.

In other words, I’m not tapping my heels. I’m demanding answers.