By Michael Colby
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- Cabot Creamery admits to misleading consumers about rBGH-free claims. http://bit.ly/nSLaCK #VT #food #agriculture #gmo #bgh #localvore about 289 days ago
- Lettuce prey: The weeds growing too close to my greens. http://bit.ly/mVDEyi about 308 days ago
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I Found Jesus–And I’m Keeping Him
found that mothafucka hippie
in the alley doin’ crank
(‘whacka-whacka-whacka-whacka-do’)
I said Jesus you all right you all right?
you be doin’ too much druggin’
you be gettin’ too uptight
(‘whacka-whacka-whack-whack-whack-whacka-do’)
gonna take you to the shelter
‘fore they all fuck you in the ass
me an’ my sister Mliser
get you fuckin’ outta sight
(‘whack-whack-whacka-do-do-whacka-do’)
‘fore them poll-lices come to get you
and take you to Vermont
stick a broomhandle up yo ass
make you a yuppie in Vermont
and poll-litically correct
make you a liberal-fuck
I say a liberal-fuck liberal-fuck
liberal fuck you in the ass
(‘whacka-fuck you-kill-you-whacka-whack)
gonna get you back to bloggin’
I say bloggin’ bloggin’ bloggin’
fo yo horsey rides to the hood
(whacka-whack-whack-fucka-fucka-whack”)
an’ Mliser she done like it
sometimes in the ass
and me I likes it good
when I get it in the ass
everybody ass-fuck now1
(‘whacka-whacka-whacka-fuck-you-in-the-ass’)
no video available
I call on all Vermonters who come to this site to unite together (how do you unite UN-together?–shit, I need a new speechwriter) and demand Michael Colby WRITE something about how fucked-up this state, this country, and this world is. We seem to be on coast. Is there something in the water? Radiation sickness from Japan? I will have my staff look into this and make a report. Meanwhile, I urge you all to make as many comments here as you can relevant to the need for Mr. Colby to help shake us out of this malaise. I took my pulse this morning and it was very slow. I have these urges to read ‘quaint’ Vermont lore and fiction and poetry all about how ‘cute’ Vermont is now that the yuppies and progressives have moved up here and taken over every school board, planning & zoning board, select-board, city council, library, the state legislature, and all the arts organizations and political action groups. Yawn. I fear soon some Wall Street fuckos will come to me with a scheme to ‘franchise out Quaint Cute Vermont’ saying to me: “Yeah, you’re Governor of a state where EVERYTHING is so politically correct, it’s almost like a subliminal fascism . There’s economic gain to be had here. Like say, we borrow some of your ‘insider’ political activists in your Peace & Justice Network and send them to Wisconsin–those poor union fuckers won’t know what hit them.” I can say right now that, as your Governor, I will not let Vermont be used to further the agenda of those who would seek to undermine Democracy. But I need your support. So please, urge Mr. Colby to WRITE again, or else we’ll wake up soon to a new FOX family comedy TV series called “Those Whacky Progressives Next Door.” I beg you. I long to read the words: “You liberal fuck” again. We all long to read them. Remember when Arthur Conan Doyle killed off Sherlock Holmes and the Brits wore black armbands and wrote letters and held rallies and rioted in the streets? Well, perhaps that’s something to think about. I’ve got to go take a nap now. My energy level is way down since Colby stopped WRITING SNARKY COMMENTARY. How’s your energy level? I may have to take some Executive Action. Help me. Who wants to be Governor of a state so boor-rring!
Hot Dang, Governor Shumlin, I’s can do this here bloggin’ for ya cause Miss Jane at the Commerce Bank taught me all about this computerin’ stuff. She said doin’ computerin’ was as important as doin’ cipherin’ and ya needed to know both in order to be a modern up to date Double-Nought Spy.
Now ifs I takes over this here blog and writes up a bunch of nasty snarky stuff, maybe you’ll make me like one of yourn official Ex-EC-CUTIVE Aides, and I’s can do my Double-Nought spying right from the State Capital cause Mr. Drysdale wants to know what banks in Vermont are doin’ in their lobbies.
So. let me know. And don’t tell Ellie May about all the critters they’ve had on this blog, otherwise she’ll commence to bug me about sharin’ it with her. And how can I be an Official Snarky & Double-Nought havin’ a bunch a critters on my blog. I want Dash Riprock to play me in the movie, and I never heard of a Double-Nought goin’ around on Official Government Spy stuff with a bunch of critters. Jeezums.
Dang! Governor Shumlin, I can’ts takes over this here blog cause Granny done grounded me for a month cause she caught me and Ellie May ups on the Fancy Eatin’ Table again. But I’m sure you’ll need me in a month. I even thought ups a new name for this here blog–BROADSIDES WITH JETHRO (An Endless Adventure In Double-Nought Bloggin’)
Now Granny says I gots to go work on my cipherin’. Nought times nought equals nought. Nought times one equals…Dang! Gots to start over. But I’ll be better in a month. Then we’s can have a real Double-Nought Snarky blog. Gotta go–my shoe phone’s a ringin’.
Geez,
don’t you get it?
Colby doesn’t want to say anything anymore.
Give the man some privacy.
He is a conflicted man.
Constantly his mind is examining:
do I serve the people, myself or do I need to go back to the primitive side of Vermont and make money giving out-of-staters sleigh horse rides?
Can I be happy? Wrong question.
.
Conflicted man? Indeed. I know this man. From the South Seas to the backwoods of Hell there is always a man like this. A lord? A saint? A fraud.
I shall in the end have to kill him. But I am disposed to mark my time. For there are things he may yet reveal. Things that only I can judge the value of. How much is a soul worth? A being? What, say you, is the market index now? I shall have at all his treasures and make plunder a celebration. I shall expose this man whose lordly aspirations would seek to frustrate destiny itself. This ego, this nonsense. His destiny is sealed.
Let him come forth now and show me the delicacy of his princely mission, abandoned now as the sea abandons the shore. I know this man. I shall gut him and watch what spills forth from such noble comportment. Merely the lifeblood of another fool who would dare think himself above a fate he himself had predestined long ago when first he set himself apart from anything that could save him.
Tough crowd. But hang in there people, announcements are coming soon.
Announcements. Tell me where the gold is first. Then make your announcements. I dying wretch should have his last words.