Well, someone had to do it. And, of course, we did. We being: Boots, Bel and I.
I’m speaking about the public hearing held on Monday night about the Douglas Administration’s out-of-nowhere plan to allow all-terrain-vehicles (ATVs) access to public lands. And while Douglas’ cronies at the Agency of Natural Resources (ANR) tried to make the whole thing look legitimate, the whole process stinks more than an ATV exhaust pipe.
First, ANR officials admit almost proudly that they talked exclusively with one and only one group during its planning process for this new regulation to allow these machines to “rip it up” on our state lands: VASA, the ATV association in Vermont. And then they sprung the new rule on the citizens of the state just a couple of weeks ago, planned a hastily-prepared “public hearing,” and gave the public all of ten days to comment on it.
Can you say: Political games? I knew you could. And Governor Jim Douglas plays them like nobody else plays them. In case you don’t have an imagination, let me spell it out for you: Douglas got his political ass kicked during the last legislative session, having two of his vetoes overridden (gay marriage and the budget) and he’s looking like little more than political road-kill of late. So what’s a right-winger to do in such a circumstance? Well, throw a political bone to the ATV crowd, of course.
And so he did, and the VASA crowd lunged for it like a Michael Vick dog. Grrr….give us our rights to do what we want, when we want, where we want, however we want, and to whomever we want. Whatever.
Logic, of course, was an endangered species at Monday’s public hearings. The hundreds of well-organized VASA members who showed up were clearly looking for a fight. But little did they know that Vermont’s mainstream environmental community is about as lame as lame can be when it comes to taking a firm stand – especially when faced with a throng of hydrocarbon-breathing machines-equal-a-sport crowd.
Take, for example, the opening words of the “communications director” of the Vermont Natural Resources Council (VNRC), Jake Brown: “I’ve owned an ATV for eight years and I love to ride it as much as I can on weekends.” Huh? Remember, VNRC is the group that has been pegged by the fawning (read: lazy) Vermont media as “the opposition” to the proposed new ATV riding rule.
And so it went, the ATVers were all ready to rumble but their opponents were mostly looking like deer caught in the headlights and far too meek to mutter even the most benign opposition. Take, for example, the VNRC folks (Brown and his colleague, Jamey Fidel) who droned on about “process,” “fairness,” and Brown’s out-of-the-closet proclamations that he was “one of them.” Good luck with that.
But I’d be remiss if I didn’t take a moment to tip my hat to those who showed up and didn’t melt from the heat of being surrounded by two hundred angry men: Mollie Matteson of the Center for Biological Diversity, Anthony Iarrapino of the Conservation Law Foundation, Les Blomberg of the Noise Pollution Clearinghouse and a few private individuals that, unfortunately, I failed to hear their names or affiliations.
This hearing was absurd. And, frankly, we knew it was going to be absurd given the quickened pace of the process and the all-too-predictable meekness of the eco-crowd. That’s why we planned something equally as absurd for our testimony.
Yep, as the headline would suggest: We brought a chainsaw. Partly because we represent Horse Loggers for Peace (and the executive committee – oops, I mean: the entire group – okay, okay, I mean: both of us – decided to add “and Quiet” to our name for the evening) and partly because we knew how the pro-ATV crowd would be testifying. As in: “It’s public land, we pay taxes, and we want to play with our machines on the public’s land.”
Fine. Let’s play.
The plan was simple enough: Boots was going to testify about the health affects of ATVs – ever seen a room full of ATVers? – and when he got to his concluding statement about noise and air pollution I was going to fire up my chainsaw for a little demonstration. But we’d be in tune with the ATVers’ argument: Being on public land and playing with our own toys and all. We wanted to be as absurd as the proposal at hand.
But, frankly, when I surveyed the room and began hearing the other testimony I thought it would be best to use my time speaking out rather than using my time to fire up a chainsaw and simply getting arrested. But then my daughter, Bel, put this note on top of the papers I was carting around: “I really think that you should do the chainsaw.”
Geez, nothing like pressure from an eleven-year old to not wimp out.
And when they called our names to get in line to ready ourselves for our testimony, my mind was all but made up to use the chainsaw when Bel accompanied us to the podium (the plan was for her to stay in the back and have previously assigned friends be ready to take her home if I was arrested). But there she was, at our side, and giving me the look that said: Don’t be a wimp.
And so it went: Boots got to his final line in his testimony about noise and smell and I yanked the chainsaw out of my bag – without the chain for obvious safety reasons – and fired it up.
I watched the cop across the room, waiting for him to get up and come my way. He didn’t move. I watched the ANR official running the meeting, thinking he’d jump to his feet and demand an end to the noise and smell. He didn’t budge. And I watched the crowd, waiting for them to stop me, but they didn’t move. And so I did what these folks wanted: I made noise. I made smells. And we had a blast.
“What?” I declared after turning it off. “We’re on public land. I own the chainsaw. And I pay my taxes. What’s the problem?”
It was, as I explained, an absurd demonstration at an absurd hearing about an absurd new rule to allow people who own smelly and loud toys to “play” on public land.
Mission accomplished.
Thanks, Bel and Boots.
(Stay tuned for more)
I tip my hat to you! Well thought out and its good to know that your daughter follows in your foot steps. Show and tell always gets the point across.
and then Boots quietly rode in naked on his bicycle….
Good show, fellas. I went to testify last night but the 200 angry men in the room made it all feel pointless. Your performance was just what was needed.
A tip of the hat from here too.
Michael’s performance was the highlight of the night, although his point that he was on public land and that he paid his taxes and was therefore entitled to run an internal combustion engine where he wished on state land was lost on the ATV crowd.
After the hearing, the ATVers were swarming the building security like elementary school kids tattling to the teacher, trying to get Michael arrested for using and abusing their best argument.
If you were trying to keep score last night, Michael was 0 for 1 in trying to get arrested. The environmentalists were out numbered about 10 to 1 and outweighed about 25 to 1, but the environmentalists did manage to come up with about 25 rational arguments to the ATV’s one claim that their taxes purchased their right to ATV on state land.
You call that a show? Your pathetic. You haven’t stopped snowmobiles and you won’t stop ATVs. Freedom is a powerful tool. Your pathetic actions will get you no where. Keep at it, little fella.
Well I have to say Michael and the rest of the oppositions ignorance really showed with flying colors. First of all I am an outdoor activist. I enjoy hiking, camping, fishing etc… and the peace and quiet of the outdoors. I also have a liking and appreciation for ATVing. The big misconception is that all the wonderful things about the outdoors will be ruined. We will not be riding all over and apparently trashing and ruining state land, we will merely be using small portion to help our goals as AVTers, which we feel will be a tremendous boost to the economy and maybe the young folks growing up wont have to move out of the state, but will maybe want to stay and be the future here. Either way, ATVing will be around whether this rule passes or not. Second of all you could not of ask for a more disrespectful individual to have spoke. I, and I believe we as a club respect the fact that these people have different hobbies and don’t particularly like ours, but should respect it. We should all be working TOGETHER. If we work together on this, the anti ATVer’s wont even notice that we are using the land because we will RESPECT them and make sure there is no adverse impact on their recreational hobbies as they should respect us. In conclusion what kind of message does it send to your eleven year old daughter when you have to bring friends for her to ride home with because you plan on being arrested.
YOU ARE A SICK BASTARD. I HAVE NO INTEREST IN WORKING WITH YOU. I JUST WISH I COULD FIND YOU ON ONE OF MY TRAILS.
Micheal I have to say that if I new that opening up state land to ATV’s was going to save the Vermont economy I vote to do it. I mean really I think we should all open up our lands so that they can ride all over. I know that I pay my taxes on a good chunk of land and although I work roughly 60 hours a week to pay my taxes, and although I could not afford to own an ATV or a snowmobile because I try to perserve the land by owning some. I think we should let all of these assholes who own and pay taxes on .5 of an acre ride were they want. I mean it is not just for them it is to save the youth and maybe even the world.
Look out, Moike, because it looks like the good old boys learned how to google you. I’m sure you’re real scared.
Keep having fun with your daughter. She’s getting a great education.
Novelist, poet, diarist, saboteur and political philosopher Edward Abbey worked seasonally as a park ranger and fire lookout for more than 20 years in the 50s through the 70s. 230 of Abbey’s letters were recently published in Postcards from Ed. While the following letter was written more than 30 years ago, it remains both poignant and current.
To Esquire Magazine,
New York City
(September 11, 1976)
Dear Sirs:
I read with interest your two stories in the September issue promoting “Traction”; ORVs or “escape machines” as your writers call them. Let me tell you what a lot of us who live out here in the American West think about your goddamned Off-Road Vehicles. We think they are a goddamned plague. Like the snowmobile in New England, the dune buggy on the seashore, the ORV out here in the desert and mesa country is a public nuisance, a destroyer if plant life and wildlife, a gross polluter of fresh air, stillness, peace and solitude.
The fat pink soft slobs who go roaring over the landscape in these over-sized over-priced over-advertised mechanical mastodons are people too lazy to walk, too ignorant to saddle a horse, too cheap and clumsy to paddle a canoe. Like cattle or sheep, they travel in herds, scared to death of going anywhere alone, and they leave their sign and spoor all over the back country. Coors beer cans, Styrofoam cups, plastic spoons, balls of Kleenex, wads of toilet paper, spent cartridge shells, crushed gopher snakes, smashed sagebrush, broken trees, dead chipmunks, wounded deer, eroded trails, bullet-riddled petroglyphs, spray-painted signatures, vandalized Indian ruins, fouled up water holes, polluted springs and smoldering campfires piled with incombustible tinfoil, filter tips, broken bottles. Etc.
It’s not the bureaucrats back in Washington who are trying to stop this motorized invasion of what little wild country still remains in America, on the contrary, the bureaucrats are doing far too little. What feeble resistance has so far appeared comes from concerned citizens here and there who are trying to do their duty: namely, to save the public lands for their primary purpose, which is wildlife, habitat, livestock forage, watershed protection and non-motorized human recreation.
Thank God for the coming and inevitable day of gasoline rationing, which will retire all these goddamned ORVs and “escape machines” to the junkyards where they belong.
Ed Abbey – Moab
Esquire Magazine, New York City (11 September 1976″ from Postcards from Ed (Minneapolis: Milkweed Editions, 2006). Copyright © 2006 by Clarke Cartwright Abbey. Reprinted with permission from Milkweed Editions. (www.milkweed.org)
Haha, the BFP’s report called it “theatre.” I call it “making it real.” Well done guys. *Raising a glass*
Cool. It looks like we hit a nerve. And you should see all the delightful personal emails I’m getting. Feel the love.
It was great to hear from you, Les. I had meant to mention your great argument last night regarding the ATVers’ mantra about “not being allowed on public land.” Yes, they are allowed on public land — just not their ATVs. Duh.
I hope folks had a chance to hear CLF’s Anthony Iarrapino’s fabulous appearance on Vermont Public Radio at noon today. He “debated” VASA’s Danny Hale and, if it were a boxing match, the referee would have stepped in to end it after about a minute. Nice job, Anthony.
And, please, can we all just stop calling ATV riding a “sport.” Or recreation. It’s not. It’s transportation. And if these folks want to transport themselves across Vermont, may I recommend I-89? Or I-91?
As for the threats: Whatever. But, personally, I like the guy who wants to see me on his trails. Didn’t he see me last night? Oh yeah, I had a chainsaw. Wimp.
Finally, thanks for the Ed Abbey reprint. I have that book. And I love that man. Did you hear that folks? I love that man. That should get ‘em going too.
Keep it coming, my friends.
And don’t forget to send your comments to ANR regarding its absurd new rule regarding ATVs.
Freedom rocks.
Great Work.
Thanks for the inspiring protest, you make me feel like a conservative(liberal weeny). Wished I was there to see it.
Regarding Edward Abbey,
“Society is like a stew. If you don’t stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.”
Thanks Michael!
That’s great. ATV’s don’t belong on public land period. You pay taxes on your own land, drive it on your own land. I have yet to see a respectful ATVer.
A Letter to the Times Argus:
Dear Editor,
I read with great interest Mr. Peter Hirshfeld’s June 16th article about All Terrain Vehicle (ATV) access to public lands, and I have one modest suggestion.
I would propose that the State of Vermont lift ATV transit restrictions on all public lands, with the following limitation, that ATVs operating on public land be propelled exclusively using alternate fuels. ATV Access to public lands would be only allowed for non gasoline based ATVs.
While I know this minor limitation might be a serious impediment to the huge market for the ATVs currently imported from the far East, all of which are gasoline powered, please consider the advantages to this small limitation;
– As an example, electric ATVs (eATVs) are made in the USA, are silent, and do not produce any emissions.
– Proper implementation of these rules would make provisions for
handicapped access to state park facilities in the case of non-ambulatory folks using electric or alternative devices.
– The challenge of implementing alternatively fueled ATVs could impact innovation and marketing conditions.
– Use of Alternative fueled vehicles on a statewide basis would establish an alternative fuel provisioning network in Vermont.
– It is the patriotic duty of every American to avoid using the expensive imported fuels, that have compromised out health, our economy and our national security at all costs.
If we cannot begin to change away from internal combustion vehicles and systems for our leisure and entertainment, then when will we be able to turn away from our 50 million barrel-a-day fossil fuel addiction? I plead with all concerned to draft and pass regulations to immediately allow alternatively fueled ATVs on state lands.
Kindest Regards,
Paul Flint
Boy, man-lovin’ Mike, who knew so many Neanderthals knew how to use a computer?
Of course, it seems the Argus must have left or something before you did the Leatherface thing, as they made no mention of it whatsoever.
You know, if this things goes through, there are still ways to make it, shall we say, difficult.
AWESOME!!
Don’t worry about the blowback – motorheads will be angry because you made a perfect analogy and did it well, but their bark is worse than their bite…
I was sitting six feet from the fool with the chainsaw, and his daughter was so embarrassed she was almost is tears. He totally disregarded the audience’s right to clean air by filling the auditorium with fumes. He shows no concern for others when delivering his rabid liberal message.
Holy crap you’ve got 20 responses (I’m guessing) and some quite interestingly hateful. I am not a big ATV fan but I’m just curious, you do use that loud smelly chain saw to cut your trees or are you out with hand saws? Much less impact same smelly gas & loud noise. I know no skidder just your beautiful horses but still…
Colby,
I just hope you realize for all the hate mail you’re probably getting for standing up to the ATV’ers, there’s well over twice as many Vermonters who love you to pieces!
Hopefully the state takes the hint from the feedback they’re getting that this proposal is not supported by the majority of Vermonters.
Keep on keeping on!
Jason Brisson